In an era of app-facilitated speed dating, first impressions are vital. Because of this, in combination with our access to everyone’s intimate, if curated, daily life through social media, most of us have grown attuned to honesty— and we are, even subconsciously, evaluating it increasingly quickly. However: this is not to say the dating world is full of honest people; quite the opposite, as some of us know all too well. In fact, it is perhaps because of our increasing familiarity with dishonesty that we have come to fear any hint of it.
most of us have grown attuned to honesty— and we are, even subconsciously, evaluating it increasingly quickly.
This means behaviours are shifting, in more ways than we know, and the very traits we used to look for are changing, and in some cases, even becoming red flags. We are no longer looking for the person who says “the right thing”, like the characters in the classic movies we swooned through, but in fact, we’ve begun to think critically (at last!) about the messages we are being sent—and most importantly, about how they are being sent.
As we get better at identifying dishonesty, we have also realized that couples work because they connect as unique people, not necessarily as ideologies. This means we are looking to connect with a real (quirks and all!) person, below the first layer that may only be trying to make a good impression. Thus, to make a real impression, it seems perhaps a better bet to lead with our authentic, beautifully imperfect selves, rather than with what we expect the other to want to hear.
we have also realized that couples work because they connect as people, not necessarily as ideologies.
The dating world is impatient, yet it is also increasingly personal—the cookie cutter mold no longer serves, and it’s time to throw out our old standards of polite and correct dishonesty, alongwith our expectations of what someone we do not know may be looking for. Instead, why not lean on our individuality—our own “style”:
“…a man puts his whole personality into the style of his conversation…Nowadays one can talk with anyone, and it must be admitted that people’s opinions are exceedingly sensible, yet the conversation leaves one with the impression of having talked to an anonymity.” -Kierkegaard
I mean, good old Kierkegaard has been telling us for years: we connect not only to the messages we are being sent, but to the way in which they are being sent. Better to embrace our own selves—and our own authentic style—in order to increase our chances of connecting with a full, honest and unique person, rather than an empty and anonymous mold