The person I became in a long-term love relationship was very different from the person I was while being single for 10 years. But I somehow knew this would be the case even when I was single.
I spent 10 years really embracing being on my own. Yes, I had many relationships and flings along the way but I didn’t commit. Being in a committed relationship from the age of 13 really messed with my mind. That created a dependency within me that was extremely unhealthy. When this relationship ended, I was 22 years old and completely at a loss. It was the scariest time of my life. It was the first time I was alone. Wrong as it was, I never before left a relationship without another one waiting.
So, for the first time, I decided to embrace my newfound freedom. Freedom to be me, whoever that was. Soon after that major break-up, I left for Hong Kong where I started my 10-year journey of self-discovery, self-awareness and self-love. I took that opportunity to prepare myself to be the perfect partner to my future husband.
When I met “My One” at 32 years old, I was definitely ready. Here are the things I did to be the best life partner I could be:
1. My Happy: One of the key success factors in a fulfilling relationship is that both parties don’t rely on each other to be happy. While you are single, take every opportunity to find happiness alone. That way, when you do meet someone, you can add to building the relationship rather than demand from it. That’s just too much pressure for anyone one person.
2. Independent Decision Maker: There is nothing attractive about someone who has to constantly ask you what they should do, say or think. Have your own mind, your own opinions and OWN it all.
3. I know ME: The only way to get to know YOU is to study “self”. Studying doesn’t only mean reading books. The studying I’m talking about is reading WHILE life experiences. Put yourself to life tests, life experiences, take risks…. Leaps of faith is what stretches you to the maximum, and most importantly, get familiar with getting comfortable in the uncomfortable.
4. My Own Purpose: Discover your purpose in this life. What are you passionate about? What are your own dreams? If you were to leave this world tomorrow, what would you think looking back in terms of what you would have changed or done?
5. Give-Take Balance: Part of the self-discovery journey is determining whether you are a dominant “giver” or “receiver”. There is no judgement whether one is better than the other except that each type of person has differing expectations of what brings them contentment and fulfillment. By defining which type of character you are, then you know what type of a person you should be with, preferably your opposite.
The key to the most ideal relationship is two independent people joining forces in a co-dependent union. This is where compatibility exists and two people can grow together as they work together to achieve their combined goals and dreams.